Hello Beautiful Souls,
As I sit here reflecting on child loss a few days before Mother’s Day I notice the emotions swirling around inside me. I can literally feel my heart racing with a combination of grief and hope while my mind tries to grasp all that I have lived through in these last four decades. It is a blend of joy and heartache … heartache and joy mixed with blessings and miracles along with the added expression of gratitude and grace. There is also exasperation and relief, peace and promise, a heartfull of good intentions and undying love.
Motherhood has been an amazing roller coaster ride filled with experiences of love beyond question through soaring highs and the depths of despair. Parenting was always something I looked forward to and it began at a very young age in my life. As an eighteen year old young woman I gave birth to a beautiful boy whom I adore and have enjoyed a close relationship with though many changes all these years. Just the sound of his voice lights my life up like nothing else possibly could.
Two years after my son was born I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who sadly graced my life on this earth a very short time but our mother-daughter bond has remained strong through the decades. She left this world gently and quietly nestled in my arms as I slept in the early hours on Father’s Day at seventeen days old. My life was never the same again as I traveled a grief journey throughout my twenties, thirties and beyond.
In an absolute state of anxiety, three years later I delivered my third child by cesarean section, a darling strawberry blonde, light eyed beauty who would educate me about life in ways I never would have otherwise. She would bring many people, places and circumstances into our life during the twenty five years she struggled with addiction before her accidental drug overdose less then two years ago. I feel her presence around me and know that she is finally at peace yet my journey as a bereaved mother continues on. I will always love and miss my two girls.
My own mother passed away a few years ago and at her funeral as we laid her to rest I was given the profound and surreal opportunity to hold my baby daughter’s little pink casket in my arms for a bit while a new generation of loved ones placed their hand upon it with respect and love. Such an unreal blessing to experience, and I was deeply grateful that my two adult children were there on each side to hold me up along with my beloved husband of twenty-one years.
Yesterday as we were seated at our dining table admiring the gorgeous flower bouquet from my son and daughter-in-law I tearfully read out loud the handwritten words from each Mother’s Day card sent to me over the last 8 years of my daughter’s life and thoughtfully placed each one on the tabletop display adorned with photo’s and memento’s belonging to her. Twenty three months and the tears still flow easily and the heart still aches although each day I mindfully guide my grief recovery into living with loss and reclaiming joy beyond loss.
To those who have experienced the loss of your child and/or mother, or for whatever reason cannot share this holiday with your loved one(s) I send blessings of hope and love. May you be uplifted by the compassion and love that surrounds you and be strengthened by knowing you are not alone in this journey.
A Special Request: Please offer compassion, kindness and grace to those who are missing a loved one or are grieving and to realize that emotional pain is often impossible to outwardly recognize but is acutely felt by each bereaved mother or child of any age.
Be Blessed,
Nancy Yuskaitis
A HEARTFELT THANK YOU
I would like to thank you for visiting my blog and staying in touch on social media. I genuinely appreciate this soulful connection with you as I share my heartfelt words, experiences and inspiration in love and light. I look forward to a continued relationship in inspiring you in your own soulful inspired healing journey.
If you enjoy the soulful inspired inspiration feel free to share with friends and on social media to help spread the joyful positivity and compassion.
What a beautiful, heartfelt personal story. To share this with others who suffer loss is so giving of you. Many people will benefit from knowing they aren’t the only ones who feel what you feel everyday. I’m so thankful you came into my life. You are not just inspiring but a positive person i call my friend. ❤️🌴
Susie, Thank you for your comment and your friendship. The expressive ways in which we communicate on a deep emotional level have been hopefully very healing and supportive for us both and I am available to you, anytime. I will miss our daily walks … until the next time.